My Definition
What is it about definitions that make us so comfortable as people? Why must we force ourselves and others into boxes to make everyone feel comfortable?
"I am a singer. This is what makes people like me. This is what I am good at and all I have to contribute." At least that's what I thought for a long time. Until I went after my New York dream, held it in my hands and realized I didn't want it. At least not in the way I'd always dreamed of.
We resort to these definitions to feel safe, to feel like we belong. When times in New York were really really tough I could go to a voice lesson, sing my heart out, and walk out feeling totally validated. I had proved once again that I was valuable. Never mind that I was valuable in all other kinds of ways. Singing I was sure of and didn't require me to be vulnerable. But once I let go of that definition, the city seemed small, cramped even. I needed space! Room to let my thoughts roam free and find me again in their own time.
When I walk into a room I often feel inferior, I don't understand why people would want to spend time with me or be my friend so I define myself by traits that fill in those blanks for me. It is my own insecurities that drive me to box myself in in this way. And in turn, it is those same limitations I place on myself that keep me from reaching out and making meaningful change in my life, change that could alter those insecurities. How bonkers and backward! How true.
Right now my identity is Anxiety. And again that's something I've created for myself. "I am an introvert. I don't like being around people. Sometimes being around people hurts." Sure, all of these statements are true to a degree, but not to a degree that should define my every action. They are puzzle pieces, a part of the greater woman I will become.
I gave away my power by only offering people one way to see me or love me. Then one day I came upon a moment when I felt brave enough to take it back. Each day I continue to hold my power is a step forward, a step toward no definitions, a step toward simply being me! - xo Sydney
"I am a singer. This is what makes people like me. This is what I am good at and all I have to contribute." At least that's what I thought for a long time. Until I went after my New York dream, held it in my hands and realized I didn't want it. At least not in the way I'd always dreamed of.
We resort to these definitions to feel safe, to feel like we belong. When times in New York were really really tough I could go to a voice lesson, sing my heart out, and walk out feeling totally validated. I had proved once again that I was valuable. Never mind that I was valuable in all other kinds of ways. Singing I was sure of and didn't require me to be vulnerable. But once I let go of that definition, the city seemed small, cramped even. I needed space! Room to let my thoughts roam free and find me again in their own time.
When I walk into a room I often feel inferior, I don't understand why people would want to spend time with me or be my friend so I define myself by traits that fill in those blanks for me. It is my own insecurities that drive me to box myself in in this way. And in turn, it is those same limitations I place on myself that keep me from reaching out and making meaningful change in my life, change that could alter those insecurities. How bonkers and backward! How true.
Right now my identity is Anxiety. And again that's something I've created for myself. "I am an introvert. I don't like being around people. Sometimes being around people hurts." Sure, all of these statements are true to a degree, but not to a degree that should define my every action. They are puzzle pieces, a part of the greater woman I will become.
I gave away my power by only offering people one way to see me or love me. Then one day I came upon a moment when I felt brave enough to take it back. Each day I continue to hold my power is a step forward, a step toward no definitions, a step toward simply being me! - xo Sydney
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