Fight or Flight?

Fear. I don't about you, but there's little that goes on in my day to day life that requires me to face any huge fears.  There are new social situations that can sometimes drive my anxiety up to the point of fear, and sometimes walking home late from work I feel a little unsettled or uncomfortable, but neither of those are too serious in the grand scheme of things.

For me, it's the unexpected or unpredictable that causes real Fear.  Could the person in that car idling on the corner pull out a gun and shoot me? And what would I do if they did? Yes, I really think that sometimes. Maybe I watched too many 90's teen movies involving inner city drive bys? Someone analize that.

Then there are the times when even something known affects you differently than you thought it would.  For instance, I've known I have to have another eye surgery for a while now, but it wasn't emergent so I postponed it until after my London trip.  However, when I got the call with potential surgery dates last week it caught me completely off guard and made me afraid for the first time in a long time.

Having been through this same basic procedure twice before, I have a good understanding of what to expect during recovery. However, this time I had to make the choice between local or general anesthesia which changes the procedure a great deal from what I had the first time around.  Choosing local would bump the procedure up a week and put me in recovery faster. Choosing general delayed everything a week, but the experience would be more similar to what I already knew.

In laboring over my decision I went through the following phases, what I'm now calling the Sydney Turner 6 Stages of Fear:

Hard Drinking
Accomplishing What I Can Control
Deep Dive Tegan & Sara
Instrumental Interlude
Good Hard Cry
Relaxing Lake Weekend

But in all seriousness, it was the lack of both my own personal experience and information on other's experiences that made me afraid.  Of everyone I knew, I could find no one who'd had any kind of procedure (excluding wisdome teeth removal) under local anesthesia! I was pretty sure it's what I wanted to do but not having any first hand information at my fingertips was nearly paralizing to me.

I was able to make my decision around Stage 5 and as soon as I made it so much of my fear and anxiety went away.  Largely, I think, because I faced it.  I confronted what was happening to me, I gethered as much information as possible, weighed the options and made a choice.  You can only let fear dominate you for so long until you're just not living your life.  And what's the point of that?

When it comes to Fear are you Fight or Flight? I think a lot of us would like to believe that, as well as being in Gryffindor house, we would Fight. Now I may be a proud Ravenclaw, but my Fight response is strong.  When I am confronted with a problem I work through it until I've conqured it.  It may not be pretty, it may not feel good, but in the end I'm going to do what ever it takes so that I come out on top. Wish me luck next week! I hope to update you soon! -xo Sydney