Soul Blazing
Have you ever found yourself engulfed in a feeling of sadness or dysfunction in a moment when all you're supposed to be feeling is bliss? The sense that you've missed the boat on something that everyone else knows; whether it be at a holiday or on any given Tuesday. I've experienced this many times, but for me right now it has to do with my Core Desired Feelings.
I've spent a lot of time over the past few weeks thinking and working and meditating on what I want to feel deep down, and I finally think I've found them! So why do I feel muddy and lost and completely out of sync? Why, when I've finally found my North Star, do I feel more lost than ever.
Part of it, I believe, is because I'm still considering how my Core Desired Feelings will make other people feel. How I could potentially let other people down. How self-destructive and useless is that?! I think the root of the problem lies, however, in fear. Of course, it comes back to fear. Who's surprised? Doing the dreaming, the metaphorical work is one thing, but putting that work into action in my life is terrifying me. My life is pretty damn good right now, why should I be reaching for something better? What right do I have to that life? What right do I have to live a life that is Fluent, Rich, True, Lithe, to Release? A life that ultimately leads me to Joy?
The answer is, "I don't know." I'm certainly no better or worse than anyone else. So why should I get the life my dreams are made of? The answer lies in the fear. I'm afraid of being deeply happy and fulfilled. I think most of us are. And I'm afraid of what my journey to happiness might say to others. I hear, "She thinks she's better than us," "Why does she think she deserves such a great life," "What makes her so great?" and on and on and on in a loop in my head. The truth is, I'm not any better than anyone else. I've just done the work, the soul-searching interior work, to discover this is where my life is headed. Me doing this work, on myself for myself alone, doesn't take away the potential for anyone else to do the same. In fact, it may actually amplify their chances of success. After all, who's ever been hurt by having an extra teammate in the dugout?
Walking towards my Core Desired Feelings hasn't brought me even close to how I thought I would feel. I thought I would find some peace, a path to follow, a roadmap to help me get to Joy. Instead, I feel messier and more disoriented than when I started. That's the thing with soul work. It never turns out the way you expect it to, often leading you towards a hornet nest you hadn't even noticed was there. Sure, it would be fun to live the perfect life of our wildest dreams, traveling down Bliss Highway to the Eternal City. But what if we could place our dreams in reality and walk straight into the treacherous Forbidden Forest, soul blazing? -xo Sydney
I've spent a lot of time over the past few weeks thinking and working and meditating on what I want to feel deep down, and I finally think I've found them! So why do I feel muddy and lost and completely out of sync? Why, when I've finally found my North Star, do I feel more lost than ever.
Part of it, I believe, is because I'm still considering how my Core Desired Feelings will make other people feel. How I could potentially let other people down. How self-destructive and useless is that?! I think the root of the problem lies, however, in fear. Of course, it comes back to fear. Who's surprised? Doing the dreaming, the metaphorical work is one thing, but putting that work into action in my life is terrifying me. My life is pretty damn good right now, why should I be reaching for something better? What right do I have to that life? What right do I have to live a life that is Fluent, Rich, True, Lithe, to Release? A life that ultimately leads me to Joy?
The answer is, "I don't know." I'm certainly no better or worse than anyone else. So why should I get the life my dreams are made of? The answer lies in the fear. I'm afraid of being deeply happy and fulfilled. I think most of us are. And I'm afraid of what my journey to happiness might say to others. I hear, "She thinks she's better than us," "Why does she think she deserves such a great life," "What makes her so great?" and on and on and on in a loop in my head. The truth is, I'm not any better than anyone else. I've just done the work, the soul-searching interior work, to discover this is where my life is headed. Me doing this work, on myself for myself alone, doesn't take away the potential for anyone else to do the same. In fact, it may actually amplify their chances of success. After all, who's ever been hurt by having an extra teammate in the dugout?
Walking towards my Core Desired Feelings hasn't brought me even close to how I thought I would feel. I thought I would find some peace, a path to follow, a roadmap to help me get to Joy. Instead, I feel messier and more disoriented than when I started. That's the thing with soul work. It never turns out the way you expect it to, often leading you towards a hornet nest you hadn't even noticed was there. Sure, it would be fun to live the perfect life of our wildest dreams, traveling down Bliss Highway to the Eternal City. But what if we could place our dreams in reality and walk straight into the treacherous Forbidden Forest, soul blazing? -xo Sydney
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