Giving in to Stability

I am grateful every day for the balance, and strength I have found in my life this year. I'm intensely aware every day of the depths I had to struggle through to get here and how difficult it was to let others help me to climb up from the Upsidedown. So is it weird that I sometimes miss the ability to sink alone into my own despair and just float on a dark sea of tequila, my own feelings, and sad John Mayer songs?

Is anybody with me?!

I'll be the first to admit, I have some pretty high walls I live behind in my daily life.  I put a lot of work into stepping out from behind them, but sometimes I just don't have what it takes and I suffer for that. I don't think I'm overstating things when I say it's much easier to long for something than to actually have it and keep it.

It's bizarre to me that finding relative stability is more scary to me than chaos.  But when you think about it, of course, it's scarier. Chaos is chaos. Anything goes, you're accountable to no one and there's always someone else to blame. Maintaining any kind of stability is a balancing act which takes constant adjustment.  It takes giving in.

Most of the time, like many of you, I'm just living my life.  Enjoying my days, but not taking time to consider the work that went into getting there. Then there are times when I look up and think, "How did I get here?", "How am I so lucky?", or, "When is someone going to show up and take all this away?"

The tricky part about that is, only I can take it away.  By giving into fear, by giving up on the work, by giving up on myself.  Because that's what I'd be doing if I sank back into the Upsidedown.

I'm not practicing 30 Days of Gratitude this year, but I am challenging myself to show my gratitude through vulnerability.

When I really dig deep into this, like most things, it comes down to vulnerability.  When I'm overwhelmed by emotion, whether from difficult life events, or the 300th episode of Grey's Anatomy (thank you, I hate you, Shonda Rhimes) I have no choice but to be vulnerable.  It's vulnerability or bust! In contrast, when something a friend says to you hurts your feelings, or you want to offer them a compliment it takes real courage to summon the vulnerability to speak out.

What if, instead of falling into old patterns of closing ourselves off and holding in our emotions we had the courage to actually (thoughtfully) voice them? What kind of magic would that bring into our lives? Why not hold your loved ones a little closer and tell them you love them! We may be nearly 6 weeks out from Christmas but it's never too soon to start sharing the Holiday Spirit.

So I challenge each and every one of you to gather your courage and be vulnerable.  In turn, I challenge those of you in my daily life to call me out when I'm not being honest and vulnerable with you.  If there's ever a time of year to cultivate these habits it's during the Holidays when the hearts of the world or more joyful and open than at any other time.  I hope you join me.  I'll look for you out on the limb. -xo Sydney